Agreement to Mediate

This document sets out the terms for your mediation. The Agreement sets out important information for you about the way that I will conduct your mediation and the principles of mediation.

This document explains how mediation works and how we will work together. Please read it before your first session and bring any questions with you. I will ask you to sign it at or before your first joint meeting.

My Terms of Business cover fees, payment, cancellations and how I handle your personal information. They form part of this Agreement, and signing this document means you accept both.

Nothing here is meant to be difficult. Where I have had to use a legal term, I explain it in the same sentence.

What mediation offers you

Mediation gives you a constructive way to:

  • talk about future arrangements
  • resolve disagreements co-operatively
  • reduce harm and distress for you and your family
  • put children and vulnerable people first

Mediation is:

  • voluntary — you are here by choice
  • a safe place to have difficult conversations
  • impartial — I will not take sides or judge you
  • private and confidential
  • yours to control — you make the decisions, with information and guidance from me

What you are agreeing to

By signing this Agreement you are committing to do your best to:

  • be respectful to each other throughout our discussions
  • take part constructively and co-operatively
  • leave fault and blame out of our conversations
  • focus on the future
  • consider your own needs, each other’s needs, the needs of each child, and the needs of the family as a whole
  • work for the least possible emotional and financial upheaval

How I work

Mediation is voluntary

1.  You are taking part because you want to settle family issues without going to court. Even if a court required you to attend an assessment meeting, it is your choice whether to mediate.

2.  You can end the mediation at any time, and you do not have to give a reason. I can also pause or end it if I do not think it is appropriate to continue. My reasons for doing so may have to stay confidential.

I am impartial

3.  I help you both equally. I do not judge, take sides, or give an opinion about who is right or wrong. My job is to help you talk to each other constructively.

4.  I cannot act as your mediator if I already know about your situation through any previous professional or personal involvement. If a conflict of interest comes to light at any stage, I will stop and talk to you about your options.

5.  I will give you legal, financial and other information in a neutral way, so you understand your responsibilities and the choices open to you. That is different from legal advice, which I do not give. I will not tell you what is in your best interests, and I will not decide anything for you.

6.  I will tell you if I think your proposals may fall outside what a court would approve. I will also help you think about when it would be useful to get advice from a solicitor or another professional.

You make the decisions

7.  You are the only people who can decide what is best for your family, and you need to decide together. My responsibility is to manage the process so you have the best possible chance of doing that.

Children and young people come first

8.  Young people have a right to be heard on matters that affect their needs, their interests and their futures. If you have children, I will help you focus on your shared responsibility to make arrangements that support them now and in the future.

9.  I must encourage you to think about your children’s wishes and feelings. Under the standards of the Family Mediation Council, children aged 10 and over have the right to have their views heard in mediation, except where that would not be appropriate.

Mediation is a safe space

10.  Mediation only works if you can both talk without fear of threat or harm. Please tell me at any stage if you have concerns about this, or if you find you are too anxious to think clearly.

11.  Keeping you and your children safe overrides everything else. The same is true of my own safety. I may decide I cannot continue — for example where there are allegations of abuse, intimidation or coercive control that cannot be managed safely. I will not judge those allegations or decide what happened.

12.  We all share a responsibility to keep our conversations free from discrimination and abuse.

13.  I do not mediate by email, telephone or other correspondence. Discussions happen in the mediation session unless we have agreed otherwise. Contact between sessions is normally for administrative purposes only.

Confidentiality

14.  I have a professional duty to keep the mediation confidential, subject to the exceptions set out below.

15.  By signing this Agreement you also agree to keep our conversations private. Please do tell your own legal or financial adviser about the mediation, but do not share the discussions with anyone else unless we have agreed it together. It is especially important not to post anything on social media, and not to share discussions with children or young people unless we have expressly agreed.

16.  Once mediation begins, information you give me — including letters and emails — will be shared with the other participant. If you want to keep a postal address, email address or telephone number confidential, tell me and I will protect it.

17.  If one of you contacts me privately about a mediation issue without agreeing that in advance, I may share it with the other participant.

18.  You confirm that any email address you give me is your own and, as far as you know, cannot be read by anyone else.

19.  You agree not to record any session in any way, and to destroy any recording that comes to your attention. You are welcome to make written notes. Occasionally, if everyone agrees in advance, limited recording may be acceptable — for example photographing flipchart notes.

20.  My own notes are a memory aid, they belong to me, and I do not share them. I can prepare a confidential written summary of a session on request; this is charged separately, as shown in the Price List.

When we work in separate spaces

21.  Because mediation is confidential, you should feel free to say what you need to say. From time to time I may suggest working with you separately, for all or part of a session. I will always tell you in advance whether that conversation is entirely private or whether what is said can be shared.

When confidentiality does not apply

22.  If I become aware that someone — particularly a child — is at risk of harm, I have a duty to consider contacting the appropriate authorities. I would normally discuss this with you first, but I may have to act without your permission if there is a risk of immediate or increased harm.

23.  I may also have to disclose information about an alleged or established unlawful act, including under the Proceeds of Crime Act, and I may be required to do so without telling you.

Without prejudice and privilege

24.  Your discussions about options, proposals and possible terms of settlement are without prejudice and privileged. In plain terms: they cannot be shown to a court and cannot later be used against you. This is what allows you both to explore ideas freely.

25.  The only exceptions are where you both give written consent, where a court orders disclosure, or where the law places an overriding obligation on me. I strongly advise you to take legal advice before giving any such consent.

26.  You both agree not to call me — or any co-mediator — to give evidence in court, and not to ask for my notes to be produced in evidence.

Financial information

27.  Where money or property is being discussed, you both agree to give complete and accurate disclosure of your financial circumstances, with supporting documents. I will help you work out what information is needed and how to obtain it.

28.  I do not check that what you provide is complete or accurate, but I can help you think about how to find out. All financial information will be shared between you both.

29.  Your financial information is provided on an open basis. That means it is not privileged: it can be shown to your solicitors and referred to in court, either in support of an agreed application or in contested proceedings. It is also portable — you can use it with a solicitor, financial adviser or other professional, which avoids providing the same information twice.

30.  I will ask you each to sign an Open Financial Statement confirming you have made full disclosure. If it later emerges that disclosure was not full, any agreement based on it can be set aside by the court and the issues reopened.

Your summaries and outcomes

31.  Where finances are involved and disclosure is complete, I will normally draw up an Open Financial Statement setting out your financial circumstances. This is on the record and can be used in court.

32.  At the end of the mediation, or earlier if useful, I will draw up a Memorandum of Understanding — a privileged, without prejudice summary of your proposals and the context in which you reached them. It lets you each take independent advice before entering into anything legally binding.

33.  During the mediation I may also prepare an interim summary of decisions on smaller matters, on the same confidential and privileged basis.

34.  Proposals reached in mediation are not legally binding until they are turned into a formal agreement — usually a Separation Agreement or a Consent Order — and that normally happens only after you have each had the chance to take legal advice. Your solicitors will usually prepare those documents. If you do not have a solicitor, I can give you information about specialist family solicitors.

35.  I will also help you consider whether input from other professionals would be useful — an accountant, financial adviser, valuer, family consultant, counsellor or therapist. I will not contact any other professional about you without your joint agreement.

How sessions are held

36.  My mediation, MIAMs and other meetings are held online by default, using a secure single-use conference link that I provide. In-person sessions can be arranged on request, subject to availability, and are charged as set out in my Terms of Business and Price List.

For any online session, you agree that:

  • no one else will be in the room with you, unless agreed in advance
  • you cannot be overheard from where you are sitting, particularly by children
  • you will not record or stream the session in any form, or share any recording
  • you will destroy immediately any accidental recording you become aware of
  • you will mute or switch off other phones, tablets and computers, disable notifications, and close other applications
  • you will sit where the light falls on your face, and will move if I ask so that your face is not in shadow
  • you will tell me about any problem with sound or vision — if it cannot be fixed, we will rearrange the session
  • you will take turns to speak, so we can all be heard

I will do my best to make sure the session runs without technical difficulty and remains confidential.

Ending the mediation

37.  Either of you may end the mediation at any stage. I may also end it if I do not think it is appropriate or helpful to continue. Either way, I will give you information about the other options open to you.

If something goes wrong

38.  I follow the Family Mediation Council Code of Practice and the standards of the Family Mediation Council and the Family Mediators Association.

39.  If you have a concern about my practice or the service you have received, please raise it with me first. I will do my best to resolve it under my Complaints Procedure. If we cannot resolve it, you may complain to the Family Mediation Council under their complaints procedure. Both procedures are on my website and the FMC website.